whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
