My room smells like vodka and shame
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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