Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
