this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
