I'm so fucking centered right now
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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