At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize