Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
