yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
birth control should be required to get into college
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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