she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish you could order shots online.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Randomize