woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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