I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
