I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
