you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
