that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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