This girl is more easily done than said...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
