GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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