speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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