he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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