well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
