it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
