Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
