I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
