That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
