All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
