I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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