Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
