dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
