Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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