i think my tv is drunk
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
