now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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