I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
