Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
