If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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