Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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