She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
