direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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