dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
