420 ftw
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
