u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
