I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
