I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm like, not good at living.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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