***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
