dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
