bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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