I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize