I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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