Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
