i think my mom watched the whole time
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
