Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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