My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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