youre lurking in front of me
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
