i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
