Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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