Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
