So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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