she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
