I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Holy sore nipples Batman
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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