i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
