Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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