He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
