You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
