I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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