do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
