I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He has the fingertips of a God
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