my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
this is an emotional support booty call
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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