I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
