Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
