I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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