We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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